The Ballad of Wilhelmina Pomeroy
Now, Wilhelmina Pomeroy's
Obsession was for Little Boys. It wasn't that she ... that ... ahem! ... She simply liked to look at them. So she, whene'er she found one rather Docile, took him home to Father. She stood them neatly in a row And gazed at them with eyes aglow. She soon had forty-two or so. And when it came to fifty-three, A few showed signs of jealousy! At length - un coup inattendu - A comely youth of twenty-two Whose name we will forbear to mention, Keyed to a pitch of nervous tension, Struck the lady as she passed! The chosen band looked on, aghast; (Miss Pomeroy, I must confess, Was put out by his forwardness) And then with cries of "Insurrection!" "This is done in self-protection!" "Down with revolutionaries!" "Equality is threatened! Where is Social equilibrium, Upset by antisocial scum?" With yells and threats and kicks and shouts They fell on him, unruly louts And bea him up, and then they hurled Him out into the lonely world. * * * They pinned a notice in the hall Enforcing Equal Rights For All. It was only fair and right That she should kiss them all goodnight, Said Wilhelmina, for she knew That everyone would want her to. So if she gave an extra squeeze To one, her duty was to please The others likewise - what is worse than To feel you are a displaced person? She little guessed there could be boys Who do not like Miss Pomeroys ... One evening she was halfway down The line, with kisses duly blown And planted with a dose of passion, When ... TwentySix refused his ration!!! Exasperated by the way She gloated over them all day He bravely pushed her face away! ... He shared his predecessor's fate. And then they saw him pass the gate One day, with a delightful girl - Not plain and Pomeroid; a pearl! She was no means to easy wealth But simply loved him for himself, And (which the idle are empty of) She gave him manliness and love. No bribery could stay them then! None but the silliest of men Could fail to see what they were missing, Hindered by Wilhelmina's kissing. * * * Broken glass lay on the floor. They had been gone an hour or more. They'd even jammed the wretched door. So now, alas, although she saw What she had been forsaken for, She couldn't try to understand. Ah! Bitter the revenge she planned! With fury trembling, she took Her blunderbuss from off its hook And saw her face distorted in Its surface to a horrid grin. The muzzle cold upon her breast, Her arms strained to the butt, she pressed The trigger. Wrecked beyond repair They found her - but they didn't care. |